We all have experiences in life that hurt us. It is how we deal with that hurt and our reactions that determine how quickly we will move forward. Last month we touched on Core Value, what it is, and how it benefits you. This month we are discussing more about Core Hurts, which creates an abrupt drop in someone’s self-esteem, value, and confidence.

Unlike Core Value, people are not born with Core Hurts. We learn them as protection from feeling any drop in our Core Value. Core Hurts threaten a person’s Core Value, and this typically manifests as anger, resentment, or aggression. People will often resort to avoiding or trying to numb Core Hurts, but this causes harmful behaviors.

Anger and the Core Hurt Types

Anger and hurt go hand-in-hand. Often when we get angry about something, there is hurt behind why we are offended. There are 8 Core Hurt Feelings: disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, devalued, rejected, powerless, inadequate, or unlovable. Have you ever heard the saying, “hurt people, hurt people?” It’s the truth. Typically if someone experiences a Core Hurt, they will take it out on a person they love and are close to. If there is no resolution between the person experiencing the Core Hurt and the loved one they are taking the aggression out on, this could lead to resentment, anger, manipulation, and controlling behavior for both partners.

So what do you do when you experience Core Hurt?

There are a few steps to help when you have experienced a Core Hurt:

  1. Take deep breaths – breathe in for 4 seconds, hold, then breathe out for 4 seconds. Do this ten times. Deep breathing will allow more oxygen to flow to your brain, and help calm you down from being angry and thinking clearly.
  2. Remember your Core Value Bank. Remember that you are important and loved and that this situation has nothing to do with how valuable and worthy you are. Repeat your Core Value list over and over in your head or out loud.
  3. Have some alone time and use your “I am” statements, such as, “I am more than enough,” or, “My happiness comes from me, and I am choosing happiness.”
  4. If you need to, journal. Write down the emotions you are feeling, what Core Hurt you felt, how it made you react, and what your next steps are. Once you write things down on paper and read it back to yourself, you will feel a lot better, and you will think more clearly about the situation and be able to determine how you will move forward.

In the end, it’s not about how to never experience a Core Hurt, because it will eventually happen. Learning about Core Hurt management is really about how you handle the anger, sadness, or resentment that will follow. Always take the time to invest in yourself and be deeply rooted in your Core Value, so when a Core Hurt does happen, you can handle it properly, and in a way, you will feel proud in the future.

To learn more about Core Hurts, Family Builders’ Compassion Workshop does a deep-dive. For more information, contact us at 405-232-8226 or email info@familybuildersok.org.

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