Abusive behaviors are learned and can sometimes be coping mechanisms for the abuser. When people do not take accountability for their actions, they often become repeat abuse offenders. If abusive behaviors are learned, that means they can also be unlearned. People can be taught healthier coping mechanisms that don’t put others in harm. For offenders of abuse, having personal accountability is crucial for creating changed behaviors. Here are nine ways domestic abuse offenders can take control of personal accountability:
1. Listen to the Survivor
2. Take responsibility for the abuse
3. Accept that your reasons are not excuses
4. Don’t play the “Survivor Olympics.”
5. Take the survivor’s lead
6. Face the fear of accountability
7. Separate guilt from shame
8. Don’t expect anyone to forgive you
9. Forgive yourself
The road toward taking control of personal accountability is long, but it’s a journey worth taking. Having accountability will help foster a sense of compassion for oneself and others. When someone can hold themselves accountable for their actions, it is also easier to set and stick to the standards of how they allow someone else to treat them.
Consider looking into our Batterer’s Intervention Program if you or someone you know is exhibiting abusive behaviors and could benefit from learning more about the nine ways to take control of personal accountability. Give us a call at 405-232-8226.